Jesus vs DOTA & Life
Never before I felt this way. I thought I could just push it aside and close my ears and heart when God talks about that. As His voice starts to fade, I became more and more fearful. I thought it would be so nice to have no one nagging at me when I play. The fact is, I was extremely wrong. Bro when to Pinang for work. Left me and my mom.
Bored? Why not get online and play? Anything else to do? Nah, nothing really satisfies you except me. You know that. You can do your KLTI homework OR NOT. Since you played me until you forgot about KLTI. Remember??? That day? That Wednesday. Isn't very long ago. When Paulina texted you asking whether you're coming for KLTI or not. What were you doing? Aha! You know that I'm first place. You KNOW THAT! You know that Jesus has to wait while you play me. You know how hurt He must have felt. Argh! Lets put that aside and just watch some porn and masturbate or something man. Relax, no worries. You've sinned before. Tell, you what. You just continue to sin, and one shot ask for forgiveness for all. Nevermind you're never too late to do that.
WRONG!! NO!! TOTALLY BULL SHIT!! You're a LIAR! You're NOT helping me. You're full of deceit and lies! Get away from me! I WILL NOT WORSHIP ANY OTHER GOD BESIDES HIM! You know that! YOU OF ALL PPL KNOW THAT! I will never serve you or give myself to you! NEVER! Even if I don't "feel" satisfied. I know and I know deep inside, He is pleased with me when I choose not to play and worship YOU!
Yes, it's true. I don't really know Him well. Yes, it's true I can't hear Him some times. I'm not ashame to tell you that I don't know how to really love Him. YES, I'm noob in Christ. So what?? A noob in Christ is a million times better than a Pro in DOTA! YES! I AM SUFFERING NOW. Not playing. YES, it's SO HARD FOR ME! But you know what? Call me foolish or stupid or dumb. But even if after this, I become so Noob In Dota or I don't play dota anymore. I know I didn't rugi a thing. Even if after this, I have more problems or more troubles or more stress. I know one thing that will sustain me. And it isn't you! It's Him, you know who I'm talking about.
Jesus, I know and I know and I know you spoke or tried to speak to me a million times alrd about this issue. Jesus, I know that You don't like me selling myself to something or indulging or worshipping some thing/one else besides You. It's what You said right? Jesus I want to know you more. I want to know what breaks Your heart and what makes You happy. Daddy, I need You! I cannot live without You. Who else can take care of me besides You? Who else can care as much as You Daddy? Who??
I'm sad and I'm sorry Lord for disobeying You and pushing You aside when You try to correct me and lead me back to the right way of living life. Why others life so easy and wonderful? Why they have Father and why You have to seperate mine from me? Not fair! You know our state. Do You intent to teach us to trust and depend on You? You said that if You can take care of the bird in the air and the "lalang on the ground" what more me, Your child. I'm living by that Father. I don't have to strive to prove myself or to be some one else. I don't have to strive and cut myself or do anything to gain or earn Your love for me. I don't have to strive to make people love me or to be lovable. I don't. I just know You love me just the way You created me to be, in other words, just the way I am. But I know I'm not suppose to use that phrase as an excuse "You love me for who I am" to continue doing bad things.
Thank You O Lord for teaching me that I'm dispensable. You kept on reminding me that I'm just Your vessel that You can use. I know that You can take my "possitions" away or whatever I'm doing and raise another to take over what I've been doing be it in church or in people's lives. Let me never be proud of myself, because I know that You made me. And I should be proud of You, the Maker of all things. Let my heart be tender and soft and loving towards You and to the people around me always. Change me O Lord. I desperately want to change. In to some kind of Love monster that will love You so much and love people the same as how I love myself. Teach me then O Lord to love myself. Let me always be humble and teachable in Your sight. Lead my not into temptations Lord. But instead deliver me from the evil. Thank You Jesus for mum. I just want to appreciate her infront of You and all people. Thank You for her life. Thank You for placing her in my life that I can be here and to be who I am today. Thank You also for dad. I've learn much from Him. And felt loved by Him too. Thank You for the times he's around with me and ko ko Meng and mum. I really appreciate the times together Lord. Lord if it's Your will. I pray that You'll bring Him back to You, and to the family. We would love for dad to return Lord. And thank You also for Ko ko Meng. Thank You for all that he has done to help me. And I learn so much from him. Thank You lord for all my talents and gifts. It all came from You. You're so great!
Let me always come to You as a child. Let me not be complicated and complacent. Always teach me O Teacher Your ways and Your words. Give me wisdom. Give me Your eyes to see people the way You see them Lord. Give me Your ears to hear the cry of the broken hearted and the needy and the widows and the orphans and the hungry and the lame and the weak. Give me Your mouth to speak what You want me to speak and to shut up when You say don't speak. Give me a heart that loves You and the world.
Amen
Sign: An orphan that You took back to Your home to be one of Your children.
Joshua Tong Whye Loon. :)
Bored? Why not get online and play? Anything else to do? Nah, nothing really satisfies you except me. You know that. You can do your KLTI homework OR NOT. Since you played me until you forgot about KLTI. Remember??? That day? That Wednesday. Isn't very long ago. When Paulina texted you asking whether you're coming for KLTI or not. What were you doing? Aha! You know that I'm first place. You KNOW THAT! You know that Jesus has to wait while you play me. You know how hurt He must have felt. Argh! Lets put that aside and just watch some porn and masturbate or something man. Relax, no worries. You've sinned before. Tell, you what. You just continue to sin, and one shot ask for forgiveness for all. Nevermind you're never too late to do that.
WRONG!! NO!! TOTALLY BULL SHIT!! You're a LIAR! You're NOT helping me. You're full of deceit and lies! Get away from me! I WILL NOT WORSHIP ANY OTHER GOD BESIDES HIM! You know that! YOU OF ALL PPL KNOW THAT! I will never serve you or give myself to you! NEVER! Even if I don't "feel" satisfied. I know and I know deep inside, He is pleased with me when I choose not to play and worship YOU!
Yes, it's true. I don't really know Him well. Yes, it's true I can't hear Him some times. I'm not ashame to tell you that I don't know how to really love Him. YES, I'm noob in Christ. So what?? A noob in Christ is a million times better than a Pro in DOTA! YES! I AM SUFFERING NOW. Not playing. YES, it's SO HARD FOR ME! But you know what? Call me foolish or stupid or dumb. But even if after this, I become so Noob In Dota or I don't play dota anymore. I know I didn't rugi a thing. Even if after this, I have more problems or more troubles or more stress. I know one thing that will sustain me. And it isn't you! It's Him, you know who I'm talking about.
Jesus, I know and I know and I know you spoke or tried to speak to me a million times alrd about this issue. Jesus, I know that You don't like me selling myself to something or indulging or worshipping some thing/one else besides You. It's what You said right? Jesus I want to know you more. I want to know what breaks Your heart and what makes You happy. Daddy, I need You! I cannot live without You. Who else can take care of me besides You? Who else can care as much as You Daddy? Who??
I'm sad and I'm sorry Lord for disobeying You and pushing You aside when You try to correct me and lead me back to the right way of living life. Why others life so easy and wonderful? Why they have Father and why You have to seperate mine from me? Not fair! You know our state. Do You intent to teach us to trust and depend on You? You said that if You can take care of the bird in the air and the "lalang on the ground" what more me, Your child. I'm living by that Father. I don't have to strive to prove myself or to be some one else. I don't have to strive and cut myself or do anything to gain or earn Your love for me. I don't have to strive to make people love me or to be lovable. I don't. I just know You love me just the way You created me to be, in other words, just the way I am. But I know I'm not suppose to use that phrase as an excuse "You love me for who I am" to continue doing bad things.
Thank You O Lord for teaching me that I'm dispensable. You kept on reminding me that I'm just Your vessel that You can use. I know that You can take my "possitions" away or whatever I'm doing and raise another to take over what I've been doing be it in church or in people's lives. Let me never be proud of myself, because I know that You made me. And I should be proud of You, the Maker of all things. Let my heart be tender and soft and loving towards You and to the people around me always. Change me O Lord. I desperately want to change. In to some kind of Love monster that will love You so much and love people the same as how I love myself. Teach me then O Lord to love myself. Let me always be humble and teachable in Your sight. Lead my not into temptations Lord. But instead deliver me from the evil. Thank You Jesus for mum. I just want to appreciate her infront of You and all people. Thank You for her life. Thank You for placing her in my life that I can be here and to be who I am today. Thank You also for dad. I've learn much from Him. And felt loved by Him too. Thank You for the times he's around with me and ko ko Meng and mum. I really appreciate the times together Lord. Lord if it's Your will. I pray that You'll bring Him back to You, and to the family. We would love for dad to return Lord. And thank You also for Ko ko Meng. Thank You for all that he has done to help me. And I learn so much from him. Thank You lord for all my talents and gifts. It all came from You. You're so great!
Let me always come to You as a child. Let me not be complicated and complacent. Always teach me O Teacher Your ways and Your words. Give me wisdom. Give me Your eyes to see people the way You see them Lord. Give me Your ears to hear the cry of the broken hearted and the needy and the widows and the orphans and the hungry and the lame and the weak. Give me Your mouth to speak what You want me to speak and to shut up when You say don't speak. Give me a heart that loves You and the world.
Amen
Sign: An orphan that You took back to Your home to be one of Your children.
Joshua Tong Whye Loon. :)
Comments