Spiritual Decline

These few days I'm in a spiritual down phase of my life. May not appear outwards but those who know me well enough knows la. It feels like I fell into a deep "jamban" and it stinks and it's full of "crap". Just feel that the devil is just attacking me left, right, up, down, back, center and star shape angle also (*).

I am a very, totally, extremely emotional and sensitive person. This is my major weakness and strength. But for now, it's just a major weakness. I'm overly sensitive to what people say, and even some times I think of things that are not there or not true in people's mind. Sadly, I'm starting to believe the lies of the enemy and I'm starting to behave the way he wants me to behave. *I paused for 5 seconds* -I just typed out a revelation to myself!!- I guess I no longer wana believe his lies and deceit and live in that jamban full of crap, deceit, lies, gossips, slander, hatred, malice, pride, and all sorts of bad attitudes.

Sad to say that I'm one prideful person. It's sad to admit that I'm just so full of myself and I'm so prideful. I'm one that dwells in bitterness and in lies of the enemy. That glide through wickedness and unwholesome talk. Who am I that You are "still" mindful of me? Why should You be, God? How can people see Jesus and Your presence in me when I'm covered with a layer of false humility and walls/barriers of defencive system that would attack back those who "offend/critisize/provoke me", instead of loving and praying for those who I dislike and prod me? And inside me full of bitterness, hatred, lust, anger, pride and sophisticated overly emotional sensitivity? How can I even enter Your presence O Holy One?

My state of life now is exactly like a walking lamentation unto You Father. If there is a prayer or a plea to You now is, that I will lament out my sorrows and my sins to You for You to deal with me accordingly for my sins and to restore me to the state and standard that You want me to live for You again. Amen!!

Comments

Christine Law said…
Hebrews 12:11
"Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertherless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of RIGHTEOUSNESS to those who have been trained by it"

Someone shared this scripture with me and I thought it would encourage you too. Though now all you see are your sins and weaknesses but I trust that God allow you to see it for a reason, so that you can be corrected and mould by Him and your endurance will produce righteous fruits!
2:36 AM
JoshTong said…
Thanks for that.
10:25 AM
Anonymous said…
here goes the same... bro...
looks like we are going through the same thing (or similar)
let's breakthrogh this together...
2:06 PM
Anonymous said…
Yes!!.. lets all believe for a breakthrough together!!! hohoho.. like Dota..kekke.. its not a bad game afterall.. :p *power steering*
4:52 PM
JoshTong said…
hahaha, that explains why you're like "different" these few days eD. I totally understand. I really feel like giving up now. To lazy to get back together with God.

swt... Mae, ahahha... Dota... Sweat. sigh... ahaha... I speechless
12:21 PM
Anonymous said…
speechless? Hmm I wonder who taught me how to play. But I'm bad,really bad at it. Anyway, don't give up!!! You've got everyone to pick you up and cheer you on!
1:04 PM
JoshTong said…
Hopefully. :X
Seem to be quite alone in this journey of faith to be honest.
2:15 PM
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